Potty Training
**This was our experience. Do what works for you and your family!**
The whole potty training process gave me a lot of anxiety, apprehension, and uncertainty. But I was also super excited for our independent toddler to achieve this huge milestone! Since it had been a few months since baby brother arrived, we were home more with all the illness going around, and Alec would be around during the holidays we figured it would be an ideal time to start. Here is how the whole thing went down:
How we introduced the potty at 18 months
SUPER SUPER SUPER low pressure at first - we focused mainly on exposure
We bought a little potty and some books and put them in the bathroom
If she wanted to do it, great! If not, no pressure
Logistics
I really needed a step-by-step guide with explicit language. I read a lot of books, watched some videos, and read some forums. Ultimately, we decided we needed it all laid out in black and white.
Essentially, we followed the Oh Crap! Potty Training three-day method and the Big Little Feelings Potty Course. The BLF course also follows the three-day method but I really liked the scripts and language they used.
Readiness Indicators
Recommended age - BLF and Oh Crap! recommends starting between 20-30 months and Lila was 26 months
Your child can follow two-step directions - for example: please go get a ball and hand it to mama
Other signs she was ready
Stayed dry during some naps and most nights
Told me she had to pee or poop (usually after the fact)
Was really interested all of a sudden
Wanted to pull her pants up and down
Supplies needed:
Feel free to browse my potty training shopping list HERE with all our must-have items!
Give yourself grace. This is a completely new skill for you and for them. They have only known the feeling of going in their diaper for their entire life so it’s a work in progress!
The Nitty Gritty
No rewards! No candy, no charts, no stickers.
The point of course is to connect the FEELING of having to pee or poop with the ACTION of going in the potty.
The main goal is to have them recognize the feeling within their bodies. Rewards can sometimes be very effective in the beginning but can lose their lust after a while. Plus who wants to keep buying little prizes all the time? The course and book talk about the three stages of potty training. You will only advance to the next block once your child has mastered the previous stage. So even if you made it to block 2 but hit a few bumps you might have to go back to block 1 for a bit.
Stages
Block 1: naked from the waist down
Block 2: loose clothes (pants) or dresses. Something that is too tight might signal muscle memory and make them think they’re still wearing a diaper
Block 3: short outings (going to the yard or mailbox and back)
Block 4: undies and pants
Block 5: self-initiating
Block 6: nap and night training
Language
We really loved the scripts from the course because we were able to use the same consistent language. It was also very descriptive and explained exactly what was happening. For example, you might say, “I feel like I need to pee right *here.* Now I am going to sit on the potty and let the pee out.” If they have an accident, use a neutral tone and avoid saying “It’s okay.” That was a really hard one for both of us! We both just blurted it out instinctually. Instead, you would say something like “You peed on the floor, pee goes in the potty. I know you can do it next time!” We made an effort to celebrate successes but were not over the top since it creates pressure and anxiety.
We would give ONE prompt every 30 minutes and set our timers.
We would say something like “Your potty is right over here. Listen to your body. If you need to pee or poop let the pee or poop out in the potty” They mention to never ever say “Do you need to use the potty?” Since it is a trip to power struggle city.
Logistics
You will need to spend about 3 days at home. So a long weekend, vacation, etc. works well for this. You will need all hands on deck and someone to commiserate with because phew! You’re going to need that glass of wine at the end of the night.
Before the first day, here’s how we prepped:
Blocked off the calendar (at least 3 days)
Set up little cleaning caddies around the house that contained cleaning spray, rags, and wipes
Taped the scripts around the house
Went grocery shopping/prepared meals
Put plastic tablecloths over the couches (laughing at this one because there are a few couch cushions we have definitely ruined since the start of this🙄
Block 1
On day one we started by just taking the diaper off first thing in the morning and saying “Today we are going to start potty learning. We are going to wear our shirt but no pants or diaper so we can learn how to pee and poop on the potty. We are going to say goodbye to our diapers.” Lila really didn’t love this part since they say a diaper is the ultimate security blanket. Most babies will have one on even before their first feeding.
Let me just preface by saying, oh myyyyyy. We were not mentally prepared for this experience until we were actually in it. They say if you’re pregnant and your child is of the age, do it before the baby arrives. Sure, your child may be a regress with a new sibling but you won’t be starting from square one. And I can totally see why. If you have more than one child, it really helps if one parent is monitoring the other children while one person is following the potty-training child around the house WATCHING THEM LIKE A HAWK. That means no watching tv, no playing around on your phone, no checking Instagram, and no daydreaming because you will be hustling your child to the potty so they can get just one drop of pee or poop in the toilet.
The first day was filled with accidents, accidents, accidents all over the house every 5 seconds. It was so exhausting and frustrating. On the second day, we had more halfway accidents where she would start to go and then get the rest in the potty. By day three, the angels had descended from heaven and she self-initiated peeing and pooping in the potty🤯 We were both delighted and amazed at her progress.
Block 2
Once we had block 1 down, we decided we were ready for pants. The course and the book both explain block 2 is where things get a little hairy. All that progress you saw might go out the window once you add on a layer of clothing. Accidents every 15 seconds and about 10 pairs of pants in the wash by 9:00 am. This block took the longest and felt like two steps forward one step back. We probably spent longer than others in this phase but we wanted to make sure she felt confident moving on. One way we managed to move to block 3 faster was to “hand her the success.” Meaning you have your child naked from the waist down, have them go pee in the potty when they are ready, and THEN put the pants on. Meaning they will have more success wearing pants since they just emptied their bladder.
After jumping between blocks 1 and 2 for a few days we decided to do some very short outings.
Block 3
Once we were in a good rhythm at home, I felt so apprehensive about leaving the house. But I packed up the bag and travel potty and off we went! In the beginning, we did very very very short outings. Basically to the mailbox and back or we would take the dog up and down the street. Once we had that down, we moved on to longer outings like running out and grabbing a coffee or returning some library books.
Here’s what I packed when I would leave the house:
Plastic bags for dirty clothes
Extra set of clothes (shirts, pants, socks, shoes)
Post It’s (if your little one is afraid of loud noises when the toilet flushes)
Regressions
After she mastered block 3, we moved on to undies! This felt like a huge win since this basically took MONTHS to accomplish. She had the overall concept down, but I found that she was very inconsistent. Some weeks were spectacular, with no accidents whatsoever, and other weeks it was like she had never seen a potty in her life.
This was beyond frustrating since I just wanted to be done with the whole process. However, changing MY mindset was the one thing that actually helped potty training get back on track and move along faster.
I kid you not, I had to repeat these mantras and pep myself up from time to time because it is so defeating cleaning up pee and poop for months on end.
“Accidents are a learning tool and are not a reflection of failure”
“Learning is not linear and this skill takes time”
I also realized that this was her body and she was in charge of it - not me. As much as I wanted to pressure her into going to the potty when she was dancing around, I knew it would only backfire. They say the three things you cannot make someone do are eating, sleeping, and using the bathroom. Once I took the pressure off, stopped prompting/hovering, and trusted her more it actually started to fall into place.
Bottom Line
I highly recommend reading the book and taking the course!
Your child can do this! Have faith, they are so capable.
Don’t give up and keep going! Try not to go back and forth between potty learning and diapers since it sends mixed messages
Lastly, this is a huge developmental milestone for your child and it is so rewarding seeing the joy and pride they have in themselves once they have learned this new skill.
Good luck and you got this!💪🏼
